LAN, LAN ago, in the land of I/O-dhya, there ruled a king named DOS-rat. Three queens had he – CONSOLE-ya, CHECKSUM-itra and CIE/CAE (Kaikeyi). However, he had no line drivers – i.e. no one to perpetuate his line. In sheer desperation, he performed a great sacrifice after which his queens gave birth to four sons – RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana.
RAM was a microchip off the old block – he had an excellent memory, he logged in quickly and semi-conducted himself in a manner fit for a king. His brothers, however, were only perpheralI ICs; every time RAM addressed them, they said, “I-C”. Once when RAM was only sixteen years old, the great sage Vish-WAN-mitra sought his help to fight some DAEMONs who persistently RAIDed his hermitage. After a brief collision, RAM routed them so easily that he came to be called DAEMON ROUTER.
RAM then proceeded to Media, where he married Pricess C+ta. C+ta’s sisters, who were not her blood sisters and hence called TRAN-sisters, married RAM’s ICs. This ceremony came to be known as TTL.
On the way back to I/O-dhya,the entourage met Parasu-ROM (or P-ROM as he was better known), the scourge of the kshatriyas. Taking up the P-ROM challenge, RAM aimed an arrow at him; he threatened to take away P-ROM’s powers of locomotion, thereby converting him to Static RAM.
P-ROM humbly withdrew and the procession reached I/O-dhya. Twelve years passed and DOS-rat decided to crown RAM as his successor. However, CIE/CAE, at the instigation of her BIOSed maid MANtharai(a real plotter), insisted that her son Bug-rat be crowned king and that RAM be banished to the FOR(;;)est for fourteen years. At this cruel and unexpected demAND, a surge passed thru DOS-rat and he CRASHED, power-less.
RAM agreed to go to FOR(;;)est and C+ta insisted to go with him. She said that at the time of her marriage, her father had advised her to follow the footsteps of her husband like a shadow, hence, she came to be called SHADOW-RAM. LSI-man was also resolved on accompanying his brother as a SLAVE LSI. Unable to bear separation,
DOS-rat died, setting the precedent that no system could function in the absence of RAM. The forest was the dwelling of SPARC-nakha, the sister of RAW-van, King of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM’s stature, she proposed that he marry her. RAM routed her to LSI-man, who also politely declined. Perceiving C+ta to be the source code of her distress, she hastened to kill her. At this stage LSI-man executed the Memory resident code and converted SPARC-naak to SPARC-no-naak. He TRUNCATED her nose.
Weeping, SPARC-no-naak fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-van, moved by sisters plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha.
Ignoring MAR-icha’s compilation warnings not to RISC SPARC-ing a war with RAM, he insisted on going ahead.Accordingly, MAR-icha transformed himself into the form of golden sTAG and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, who, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM’s voice. Fooled by this Virtual RAM cry, C+ta urged LSI-man to his brothers aid. Catching the opportunity, RAW-van delinked C+ta from her library and changed her root directory to LAN-ka by BROADCASTING her over sky.
RAM and LSI-man started FINDing for the missing i-node, C+ta allover the forest. They made friendship with the forest admin SU-greev and his powerful co-processor ha-NEUMAN. ha-NEUMAN was a legendary figure. He had a swollen cheek ARCHITECTURE. He was a child prodigy and came up with newer methedologies and techniques which inspired many others. In particular his RAM mantra technique became extremely popular for generations. SU-greev agreed to help RAM but first wanted help from RAM to delete his own root node VAALI.( valli?) SU-greev’s intention was obvious. He wanted to be the only admin around & wanted to grab all the consulting jobs in the forest.
RAM fought with VALLI and surprised him using some un-documented features.VALLI cried foul and started complaining to the justice department saying that it was not a fair fight.RAM then convinced everyone using his trademark MICRO SOFT WORDs coupled with a few FREE vedic goodies.Though some of the onlookers such as ORACLE (seer)and pancha bhutas such as SUN, disagreed with RAM’s micro soft touch,they all shut their mouths fearing RAM’s reach among the user community. SU-greev was happy with the outcome and ordered his programmers to use powerful ‘search’ techniques to find the missing C+ta. His programmers searched all around the INTER-NET worked forests. Some of them shouted ‘YAA-HOO’ but ended up with ‘not found’ messages. Several other search techniques proved useless.
Ha-NEUMAN using a radically different paradigm devised a RISKy technology and used it to cross the seas at astonishing clock speeds. On the way he bumped with a few satellite signals but was able to avoid deflections due to his own high strength. As soon as ha-NEUMAN reached LAN-ka, he had to collide with its firewall called LAN-ki. The firewall made desperate attempts to stop ha-NEUMAN entering into its internal web, but the great ha-NEUMAN detected a loop hole in LAN-ki’s firewall. Using micro code, he broke the security and entered LAN-ka.
After doing some local search, ha-NEUMAN found C+ta weeping under the weight of a TREE structure. ha-NEUMAN used a unique key-id (ring) to identify himself to C+ta. After decrypting the key, C+ta believed in him and asked him to send a STATUS_OK message to RAM through RING topology.
Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around C+ta tied ha-NEUMANand tried to terminate him using pyro-techniques. But ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos among the raakshasas by SPAMMING the fire using some side effects.
Several raakshasa programmers were later called to restorethe operational stability in LAN-ka. ha-NEUMAN happily escaped LAN-ka again and conveyed all the STATUS messages to RAM and SU-greev. RAM felt happy with ha-NEUMAN’s methodology of execution and embarked on a project code named EXPLORER to delete the netESCAPING RAW-wan. He even created a bridge and GATEWAY to access LAN-ka network.
In the mean time, signs were apparent in LAN-ka about the imminent danger from RAM’s project EXPLORER, but RAW-wan refused to budge. Sensing disaster, his ownsub-program called vibhee-SHUN,executeda ‘GO TO’statement and branched out to RAM’s camp. RAW-wan still insisted on taking the all powerful RAM head-on. He decided to use the boons given to him by SUN, sHIVa etc.and prepared for the battle on a remote island on LAN-ka called JAVA.
He thought that his presence in JAVA will give him victory over RAM. RAM and his entourage made small and buggy progress in the beginning but the world community on the whole started watching them with awe. In the battle on JAVA island, it appeared initially that RAM had no chance.
In fact one of the RAW-wan’s SUN indrajIT (son) almost killed RAM & LSI-man with a powerful brahma-astra called JAVA-BEAN. It appeared for a while that the world has seen the end of RAM’s MICRO SOFT touch. But ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-Xgradients from HILL GATES and concocted a potion using some herbs.
His powerful HERBAL-COMPUTER aided him in making this potion which restarted RAM and LSI-man. Appearing, reluctant RAM used the source code secrets of RAW-wan given by vibhee-SHUN and once and for all wiped out RAW-wan’s presence on the earth. Before that he even SCHEDULED RAW-wan to come next day when all his resources were locked up bu RAM’s virus weapons He proved again that even the so called invincible RAW-wan cannot be netESCAPED from his power.
After the battle, RAM spread his MICRO SOFT WORKS and other user friendly programs to all users across the world and every one lived happily thereafter.