In this weird world we live in
- If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
- In today’s world is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need that vacation.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- Eat well, stay fit, you will die anyway.
- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
- Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
- Opportunities always look bigger while going than coming.
- Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.